


The Quiet Life

by sherific



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Loneliness, M/M, Olympics, Post-Series, Relationship Problems
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-15
Updated: 2015-07-15
Packaged: 2018-04-09 11:00:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 13,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4345982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sherific/pseuds/sherific
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sousuke lives a quiet post-graduation life, running a shop with his family in his sleepy hometown, videochatting regularly with Rin, who is off training in Australia. When Rin returns to Japan for Olympic Trials, Sousuke gladly supports him. However, in exchange for Rin's global success, Sousuke's peaceful life begins to grow noisy and loud, causing a drift in the relationship that neither of them anticipated.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The town had grown pretty quiet, for awhile. After our graduation, sleep seemed to douse the morning sun, and certain voices were no longer heard. You no longer saw Nanase or Tachibana out running by the beach, and I only heard Rin’s voice over the delicate crackle of the phone, or saw his face plastered on a screen. I woke up early every morning for a jog, then washed down the front of the small market my family owned, stretching my shoulder every so often, sighing loudly enough to scatter the birds. They were easy days, with yellow sun and ocean foam, kids asking for ice cream and tired commuters gathering ingredients for dinner. Rin would call in the evening from Australia after his training. his voice always infused with the wispiness of dreaming, with the sharp edges of determination. It was his lack of presence that contributed the most to the drowsiness of my life. Back at Samezuka, every day with him was a challenge: one hundred fly tonight, one thousand meters freestyle with three breaths per lap, who can shove the most rice into their mouth at once, silly, childish things all the time. Nowadays, given his limited time, we spent most of our conversation on serious things, thoughtful things.

“Sousuke, I’m going to World Champs in a few months,” he told me one day.

I watched his race on TV while sweeping the floor of the shop, catching his unmistakable butterfly pull ahead of all the other lanes, listening over the roar of the crowd and excitement of the reporters for his victorious cackle as he slapped the water. The shop was all silent, no customers, and I stood beneath the TV for a long time, grinning and itching to call him.

“You were great,” I told him the instant I could get a hold of him.

“You saw the race, Sousuke?”

“I wouldn’t miss it, Rin. Your stroke has improved. You’re able to get more power in each pull.”

“Yeah! I’ve been working on it.”

I could sit there all day, listening to him talk, listening to hoarseness of his voice after a race, the energy in his speech.

“I wish I could be there with you,” I said.

“Yeah, Sousuke, I wish you were here, too.”

A year later, he came home, without a word to me in advance. He stood in the doorway of the shop, a cap pulled over his head, grinning wickedly.

“One ice cream, please.”

I dropped my broom, the handle clattering loudly on the floor. I held up a fist, in shock, and he bumped it fiercely, embracing me tightly.

“How’s it been, Sousuke? Get much action around here?”

But I was too busy taking him in, the faint scent of chlorine on his neck, the tangles in his hair, the clarity of his voice. Eventually, he pulled away, and my body went cold with his absence.

“Sousuke, I brought you something.” He reached into his duffle bag and drew out a large sweatshirt dominated by the meet’s logo. On the back, his name was embroidered in English, “R. Matsuoka,” the Japanese flag proudly displayed beneath it. “It was mine, but I wanted you to have it, you know, when I’m gone again.” He slung it over my shoulder. It was a little warm, from being stuffed in the hot bag.

“When are you leaving?”

“In a week. Gotta get back to training, you know?”

I tried to keep my smile, despite my raging disappointment. “Yeah. Hey, let me get you that ice cream. Have a seat anywhere, really.” I sauntered over to the cooler, digging through it to get his favorite. Rin wasn’t one for sweets, but I was sure that he had been eating so healthily that he was craving something junky and fattening.

“So how’s the shop been, Sousuke?”

“Quiet, really.” I curled my fingers around a chocolate bar, the wrapper crinkling loudly.

“Yeah? It gets busy during the summer, doesn’t it?”

“Mostly on the sunny days, when people are coming to the beach. Catch.” I tossed him the treat.

His eyes widened with anticipation, and he tore open the wrapping ravenously. “Thanks.”

“So, why didn’t you tell me you were coming back?”

He glanced up at me innocently, popsicle in his mouth. “Hm?”

“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming home?”

“Surprise.” He grinned. “I wanted to surprise you.”

“It’s not a surprise the second time you do it,” I teased, leaning against a shelf. I pulled the jacket from my shoulders, looking at it more closely.

“It’s nice, huh?”

“Looks pretty badass to me.” I smiled. “So how’d you like Worlds? Nanase was there too, wasn’t he?”

He nodded. “Yeah. We were on the same relay team. It was amazing, Sousuke! Next time, I’ll bring you along. Haru brought Makoto.”

I picked up the dropped broom and started sweeping again. “That so?”

“Mhm.” He licked the popsicle happily, swinging his legs innocently like a child.

“Well, if you make it onto the Olympic team, I’ll find a way to fly out,” I mused.

“Really?”

“Yeah, course. Gou would come, too, of course.”

“Now I have a goal.” He grinned playfully, finishing off the last of his popsicle.

I chuckled. “That hundred fly better break a world record, or else I’ll feel cheated,” I joked.

“I’ll bet you two sodas that I could do it.”

“Two whole sodas?”

“Yep!”

I held out my hand. “Shake on it.”

He grabbed my hand and shook it vigorously. “It’s a deal, then.”

The door jingled as a regular entered, an old classmate of ours from Samezuka who used to help Rin on his literature homework.

“Yo, Yamazaki, what’s up?” he said loosely, brushing some sticky strands of hair from his face. “Oh, hey, if it isn’t Matsuoka! I saw you on TV!”

Rin flashed a toothy grin, holding up a peace sign. “What’s up, Fujioka? Long time no see.”

“Not much,” Fujioka said casually, browsing through some of the snacks on the farthest wall. “But I bet you’re busy!”

Rin laughed goodnaturedly. “Hell yeah.”

“Lots of training and all that? Yamazaki said you went to Australia for some time.”

“Yeah, I’ve got a coach over there.”

“You know, Matsuoka, you’ve become somewhat of a celebrity over here,” he said, pulling out some cash. I wandered over to the register to ring him up. “You and that other one, what’s his name, Nanase? Anyways, people’ve been talking about you guys. You make our town proud.”

Rin chuckled modestly. “Well, I’m doing my best.”

Fujioka pulled open the bag of chips. “Anyways, I gotta run. Catch you later, Yamazaki, Matsuoka.” He popped a chip into his mouth, crunching it on his way out.

“So you’re famous now,” I teased Rin, locking up the register as the sun began to set.

“Of course. I’m a world class swimmer.” He laughed, tossing his head back. The strained light through the shop windows dusted his profile, making his skin seem like silk crafted from the sun itself.

“Don’t get too full of yourself.” I slapped him on the shoulder. “Hey, let’s go out for dinner. My treat.”

“Yeah. Lemme drop my stuff off first.”

The town was still sleepy, and there were still few people on the streets, but having Rin there made the air sing and the trees cry, like the world came awake again, stretching its fingers and yawning pleasantly.

“Eh, Sousuke, whatever happened to Momotarou? Aiichirou?”

“Oh, they’re both on university teams. I never told you?”

He shook his head, a look of betrayal crossing his face. “Nope.”

“Sorry, I meant to.”

“Nah, it’s okay. Gou said you’ve been really busy with the shop.”

“Yeah, my parents are out of town for the month.”

“Must be rough.”

“Not really.”

He put his hands behind his head. “It’s so quiet over here, huh? I’d forgotten. You know, in Sydney, there are a lot of people from around the world. Tourists and such.”

“Yeah, I bet.”

“It’s a nice change, coming home.” He sighed contentedly.

We dropped his things off at his house, where Gou greeted us enthusiastically, but had to retreat back inside quickly due to some emergency with her schoolwork. Rin agreed to catch up with her later, and we were on our way.

“So, where are we eating, Sousuke?”

“Up to you. You’re the one with a gold medal, eh?” I nudged him affectionately.

His cheeks colored. “I kind of just want some pork belly ramen.”

“Then pork belly ramen it is.”

We stopped at the beach on the way, kicking sand around, laughing. The sun was low in the sky, the clouds splashes of pink. His laughter spilled like captured youth, and he dipped his feet into the water.

“It’s different here, than it is in Australia,” he insisted. “This feels more… I don’t know.” He struggled to explain it to me, but after a while, he only gave up and laughed some more. “It’s so good to be home.”

We walked to the restaurant with sandy feet, the ocean breath in our hair, smiling with sun-kissed cheeks. Halfway through our steaming bowls, a shy young boy approached him, holding up a shaky note pad.

“E-excuse me?” he stuttered, glancing up at his mother, who had her hand lovingly placed on his shoulder, for support. “A-are you R-Rin Matsuoka?”

Rin smiled warmly. “Yeah, that’s me.”

The mother stepped in on behalf of her nervous son. “I’m sorry to bother you, but my son, he’s just started his swimming lessons, and he saw you on TV and is a big fan! Would you mind signing his notepad and taking a picture with him?”

Rin beamed. “It would be my pleasure!” He stood and wiped his mouth, crouching down to the boy’s height as the mother took a step back, holding up her phone. The camera flashed once, then twice, and the mother thanked Rin profusively. “Really, it’s no big deal,” he reassured her, turning to the little boy. “Hey, keep swimming, okay? What’s your favorite stroke?”

“Butterfly!” the boy exclaimed eagerly.

Rin held up a fist, the boy bumping it hesitantly. “That’s my favorite, too. Keep it up!”

The boy nodded vigorously before being whisked away by his overly polite mother, Rin taking his seat with a lingering smile and an air of renewed confidence.

“That was cute,” I said.

“Yeah.” He finished his ramen, slurping it up ceremoniously. “Do you have a little time after this?”

“Yeah, what for?”

He hesitated. “Um-” he stammered.

I waved my hand. “Don’t worry about it. You can tell me later.”

His brows knitted together. “Are you sure you’re gonna pay for all this?”

I slammed the cash down on the table, laughing when he jumped. “Already done.”

“Idiot,” he cried fondly.

Outside, we caught first whiff of fall, the first brisk breeze. Luckily, I still had his jacket draped over my shoulder, and I pulled it over him at the first touch of cold. Though it was baggy on him, it gave him an athletic air, an aura of legitimacy and broad shoulders, of confidence.

“You’ll show me your medal, right?” I asked, zipping up my jacket.

“Yeah, tomorrow.”

We kept our heads down to avoid the wind in our faces, watching only our feet passing beneath the dim streetlights. He slipped his arm through mine, a subtle and familiar gesture from our Samezuka days, late drowsy walks, bored daylight strolls from class to class, huddling close during the winter to keep from getting too cold.

“You seen Rei or Nagisa recently?” he asked.

“Not recently, but I saw them in the spring, before they went off to school. Ryugazaki’s up in Tokyo studying, I think Hazuki went up there with him, not sure though.”

“Hm. They still swimming?”

“Who knows. You ought to ask Nanase or Tachibana. I think they went to the graduation.”

“You been studying at all, Sousuke?”

“Nah. The shop is fine with me.”

“Been back in the pool?” He came in closer, his voice grown quieter and more intimate.

“A little bit, here and there. My shoulder’s in no condition to be swimming, though. I usually get some kids to just help me with the boxes at the shop, it’s gotten that bad.”

“Sucks.”

I shrugged. “It’s how it goes. Besides, I’ve got you swimming for me, right?”

He snorted. “For you, my ass. I’m swimming for myself, man.”

I laughed. “Should’ve known, stupid little Rin.”

“Hey, you say that again!” he challenged.

I smiled smugly. “I said, ‘Should’ve known, stupid little Rin!’”

“Well haven’t you got nerve, Yamazaki!” He shoved me aside playfully, pulling his arm away from me. I stumbled a couple steps to the left, cackling. Moths buzzed around the lamps, and Rin’s hair cast shadows over his eyes. His lips curled upward, revealing his sharp set of teeth that glinted in the harsh moonlight.

“What are you gonna do?” I taunted.

“I’m gonna bite you!” he cried humorously, launching at me and howling with laughter.

We fell into the grass by the sidewalk, roaring and hooting gleefully, rolling around in the crisp blades of grass getting leftover dew on our backs and stains on our shirts. Rin tumbled into me, tangling his limbs with mine, burying his face in my neck, his mouth open with the breath of laughter.

“I’ve missed you, Sousuke.”

“Yeah.” My arm settled over his waist, fingers dusting against his back. He was warm and smelled vaguely of the noodle house, the scent of pork belly drifting up from his fingertips.

“Even though you’re an idiot.” He stuck his tongue out.

I snickered. “Look who’s talking.”

“Hey, watch your mouth, you moron!” He laughed lightly, like the cicadas chirping in the summertime. He nestled his head by my injured shoulder. “Does it hurt?”

“Not right now.”

He yawned. “Man, I’m so damn full.”

“I ought to take you home.”

“Not just yet.” He tugged on my jacket.

“But it’s cold as all heck, Rin.”

“Damn, Sousuke, you became a wuss while I was gone.” He grinned dangerously.

“Oh, shut up.” I pulled him closer as a shiver of wind passed over us.

“You wuss,” he whispered affectionately, and for the first time in a long time, I felt that I was truly close to Rin Matsuoka.

 


	2. Chapter 2

I saw Rin on TV a couple days later, wearing his now dirty Worlds jacket, being interviewed by a local reporter. They displayed footage of his medal-winning race, and received some comments from his mother and from Gou, and a modest statement from Rin himself, who said that he was fulfilling his personal dream as well as his father’s by competing internationally. He mentioned something about swimming with Nanase being great fun, and a little tidbit about how they had grown together as both swimmers and as men, eliciting an endearing smile from the reporter, who was apparently touched by the story.

“Thought that jacket belonged to me now,” I joked when Rin entered the store.

He rolled his eyes. “I only needed it this once.” He pulled it from his backpack and tossed it at me.

I caught it and set it on the counter. “Looks like you’re a little celebrity now.”

“Only here in town,” he insisted humbly. “Listen, Haru and Makoto are coming down today from Tokyo, you free to come hang out?”

“What time?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. Later?”

I laughed slightly, and his eyebrow twitched in annoyance. “Sure. Just drop by the shop again when they’re here.”

He nodded absentmindedly and perused the snack shelf.

“Hey, watch what you’re eating,” I warned lightly, “You don’t want to become a whale.”

“Shut up, Sousuke!” he retorted playfully. “I’ll eat what I want to eat!”  He squinted, looking closely at the titles and calorie counts. “It’s pretty quiet around here.”

“Yeah, it’s like this most of the time, especially when it isn’t summer.”

“Don’t you get bored?”

“Nah, not really.” I hopped onto the counter.

“I would.”

“And that’s why you don’t work at little stores.” I nudged him goodnaturedly with my foot as he wandered over.

“Yeah, guess so.” He pulled out some cash to pay for a small bag of snap-pea chips, but I held my hand up.

“My treat,” I said.

“You sure? You paid for dinner the other night.”

“Yeah. It’s my store, isn’t it?”

“It’s your family’s store.”

“Same difference.” I plucked the bag from his hands and opened it for him, reaching in to grab a piece for myself.

“Hey!” He snatched it from me. “None for you.”

“Well aren’t you greedy.”

“I’m hungry.” He leaned against the counter faking a pout, popping the chips into his mouth.

I ruffled his hair. “Yeah, it’s been quiet without you.”

His cheeks colored. “Just say outright, Sousuke, you missed me.” He grinned.

“Mhm.”

“Wait, you didn’t say it.”

“I agreed with you.”

He turned to face me. “But you didn’t, like, say it.”

I chuckled. “So? You get the idea.”

He huffed in false frustration and cracked a bit of a smile. “You’re so stupid.”

“So are you.” I nudged him again, in the stomach. “Going to the pool today?”

He caught my foot in his hand. “Yeah, in an hour or so.”

“Sweet.” I tried to pull my foot away, but he smirked wickedly and grasped it more tightly. “Hey, let go.”

“No.”

I tugged with a little more force, but he threw his empty bag of chips down and grabbed with both hands. I gripped the edge of the counter for leverage, but suddenly he yanked down harshly and I fell forward. He stepped forward quickly and caught me, curling his lean arms around me.

“Hey, Sousuke?” A catlike smile, and a kiss. “You missed me, didn’t you?”

“Yeah.”

Another kiss, the crinkle of the empty bag beneath our feet. Yes, those were quiet, quiet days.

………..

Tachibana and Nanase appeared with Rin later that evening, both Nanase’s and Rin’s hair dripping wet, a towel slung over both their shoulders.

“Evening, Sousuke.” Tachibana waved and smiled warmly.

“Evening,” I said. “How are you?”

“We’re great!”

“Yeah? University okay?”

He nodded. “Yeah, I really like it.”

“That’s good.” My eyes fell on Nanase. “And you?”

“I swim,” he said plainly.

“I saw you at Worlds on TV.”

He only nodded and pulled the towel over his head to dry his hair.

“Did you get a jacket like Rin?”

“Yes.”

Tachibana grabbed a bag of shrimp snacks from the shelf. “How much?”

“Three hundred yen.”

He leaned down to Nanase. “Haru, you want some?”

Nanase shook his head. “I’m cooking mackerel later.”

Rin sighed. “Again? Don’t you ever get sick of it?”

Nanase blinked. “No,” he answered plainly.

Tachibana chuckled fondly, walking over to me and pulling out the cash. “So, how’s it been over here, Sousuke? It’s been a while since I’ve been home.”

“It’s just the usual.” The register sprung open with a ping, and I counted his change. “Pretty quiet, still.”

“Yeah, seems like it.” His eyes twinkled.

“Miss it at all?” I asked.

“Yeah, I do. It’s comforting, you know? And I miss my younger siblings.” He tore the bag open.

“I’ll bet they miss you too.”

He laughed softly. “Yeah. They call all the time.”

“Still coaching kids?”

“Trying to. I’ve been busy with school, but I found a swim club nearby that needed some help.”

“That’s good.” I slid the register closed.

“So Rin’s been gone for a while, huh?”

“Yeah.” Rin laughed loudly from behind him, conversing animatedly with Nanase, who was, in contrast, quite placid and temperate. “About a year.”

“He must be working hard. He was looking really good, at Worlds. Why weren’t you there? I would have thought that Rin would have invited you.”

I shrugged. “I wanted to be there, but I had to look after the shop, you know? If Rin’s on the Olympic team, though, I’ll try and make it out.”

“Of course!” He beamed. “I’m saving up to go with Haru.”

“He’s close to beating a world record in the 100 free, isn’t he?”

He nodded proudly. “Yeah. I’ll bet he’ll win a nice medal.”

“I’d love to see it.” I locked the register, the key clicking loudly. “He get interviewed anywhere?”

“Yeah. Local news.”

“Rin, too.”

He glanced over his shoulder at the two of them. “They’re mini celebrities now.” He chuckled airily. “The pride of the town.”

“They’ve worked pretty hard for it.”

“Yeah.” A far off look fell across his face. “I have a feeling that things are going to change a lot around here, because of them. Imagine, two world-class swimmers coming from the same little town in Japan.”

Rin ruffled Nanase’s hair in the background, snickering impishly. “Isn’t that something?” I mused.

“Sure is.”

The sunset light flooded in drowsily through the front door, the shelves casting long shadows. Somewhere, laughter drifted, and the ocean sang. Commuters loosened their ties and wandered in and out of the shop, getting small meals for the night, very few words to say. We joked around, the four of us, flipping through channels and talking about who knows what, insubstantial words floating out of our mouths like summer time. This is how I liked it, peaceful and casual, like it was when we were just little kids. Rin was the Rin I knew that walked with me to school every day. Tachibana and Nanase were the local kids whom I competed against in my final year of high school. This was the Rin I knew, and the town I knew, the vibe I knew. I smiled at Nanase’s odd comments, holding Rin around the waist, Tachibana patting Nanase on the head fondly. The image stuck in my head for a long time. I liked to look back on it, when things got bad.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

I went over to Rin’s house the night before he left. I ate dinner with him, Gou, and his mother, and then retreated to his bedroom to help him pack.

“A week sure goes by fast, doesn’t it?” he said, falling back on his bed.

“Yeah, too fast, sometimes.” I zipped his bag shut.

“Back to Australia it is for me. Call me, won’t you?”

“Every day.”

“When I get back, I’ll have a nicer, Olympic jacket,” he said whimsically. “I’ll let you have the crappy Worlds one.”

“It’s not crappy.”

“Crappier than the Olympics.”

I rolled my eyes, holding in a laugh. “Get off your high horse, Rin.”

He laughed, kicking his feet. “I was just kidding.” He stared at the ceiling. “But really, Sousuke. I want to be the best swimmer of my day.”

I sat on the edge of the bed, watching him dream. “Yeah. Just don’t cry when you get those medals. You’ll look like a baby,” I teased.

“Oh shut up! I don’t cry over that stuff!” he snapped defensively.

“If you say so.”

He shot up, jabbing his finger at my chest. “I’m serious, Sousuke.”

“Never said you weren’t.” Carefully, I wrapped my fingers around his hand.

“When I come back, Sousuke, your shoulder better be good enough to go for a swim with me, for old times’ sake,” he said more solemnly, voice a bit hoarser and serious.

“I’ll look after it,” I promised.

He rested his forehead on my good shoulder, closing his eyes. His chlorine-tainted hair brushed against my neck, and his fingers curled between mine.

“You’re so silly, sometimes, mood swings and all,” I whispered.

“Oh, just shut your trap, won’t you? Sometimes I wonder why I even bother with you at all.”

I tightened my grasp on his hand. “You know, sometimes I wonder the same thing.”

………

After I saw Rin off, I returned to the shop, quietly sweeping the front and laying out the on-sale items. My parents regretted that they had been out of town and didn’t get to say hello to him, but I assured them he’d be back, and if not any time soon, I would call him and let them talk for a little bit. I wore his jacket from time to time, thinking of the countertop kiss and the way his hands felt the night before he left. When I wasn’t wearing it, I kept it in my bedroom above the shop, where I would run my fingers over his name stitched in English on the back when I was bored, listening to the crickets chirp before I fell asleep. I missed him more than I cared to admit, and even my parents noticed the forlorn look I had on my face every so often when I unpacked his favorite spicy snacks in the back of the shop, or when I stumbled across an old picture of us lying on my desk. Kisumi stopped by sometimes, and propped his head up on his elbows on the counter.

“Eh, Sousuke, you really love that boy, don’t you?” He was joking, being ridiculously silly, but there was a little bit of truth in his words, and so I never gave him much of an answer.

I never said anything about it, to anyone. I figured that anyone who needed to know would realize it soon enough without my having to say so, and those who didn’t need to know would never find out. It had been that way since Samezuka, when Momotarou saw Rin loop his arm through mine after a meet, and casually slipped me a congratulations before going out to collect stag beetles. Rin and I hardly acknowledged it beyond our affectionate actions. The only mention of it I had ever received from him was a small heart drawn messily by his name at the end of a birthday card. We weren’t ones for formality. To my pleasure, we both preferred to keep things quiet.

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

The shop was really cold in the wintertime. I often had to wear several layers and turn the heater all the way up, staying close to the back where it was less drafty. Rin constantly taunted me with his pictures of the summertime beaches in Sydney and how much outside training he got to do. I brought my laptop out to the counter, to keep myself occupied until he called. He said he had some news to tell me, but wanted to wait until he had time to talk about it to tell me. Finally, Skype started ringing, and I, shivering atop the stool behind the counter, answered it with anticipation.

“You look cold,” he teased. “Hey, you’re wearing the jacket.”

“Yeah.”

“Listen, Sousuke, I have something to tell you.” He played with his hands. In the background, some of his Australian friends made faces into the camera. A blonde, tan guy shoved his way into the view, babbling something in English. Rin playfully pushed him away. “Sorry, Sousuke,” he apologized sheepishly.

“It’s alright. Who was that?”

“A friend.”

I raised an eyebrow.

He waved his hands innocently, turning red. “Don’t worry, Sousuke! He’s not that close!”

“Okay then.”

“Anyways, on to the news.” He chewed at his lip for a little bit. “I’m coming home again, for the Olympic Trials.”

I drew in a breath, my heart skipping a beat. “Rin…”

“I’ve got the cuts for the 100 and 200 fly, 100 free too.” He grinned sunnily. “I’m really excited.”

“Where are the Trials?”

“Tokyo, January 17th and 18th. Can you make it?”

“Of course.” I smiled. “I’m happy for you, Rin.”

He laughed, looking down, his hair hiding his eyes. I knew he was crying. “Thanks, Sousuke.”

“Rin, look at me.”

He lifted his head, eyes swollen with tears. A couple wet strands of hair stuck to his cheeks.

“You’re a mess,” I teased.

“Oh, shut up!” He wiped his eyes furiously. “When I get back, I’m gonna mess you up for that! You’ll look worse than me!”

I chuckled. “Looking forward to it.”

“Idiot!”

“Miss you, too.”

He softened, laughing to himself. “Hey.” He held up a curled fist to the camera. Smiling, I bumped mine against the screen. “Save me some ice cream from the shop.”

“You can’t eat that until after you get your medals at the Olympics.”

“Even more reason to win, then.” He grinned. “See you, Sousuke. I’ll call when I’m leaving.”

“Yeah.”

“Merry Christmas.”

“You, too.”

He stared at the camera for a little, his eyes catching the Australian sunlight, fingers drumming on his laptop, and then the screen went black as he hung up.

……….

I began counting days, after that. Every morning I would stretch, ask some local kids to help me with the boxes in the back of the shop, and think that Rin was coming home soon. Subconsciously, I set aside his favorite vegetables and seasonings for his dinner the night he got back, and in the back of my mind I wondered what I would cook for him and our families. The calendar became full of crosses as I marked off the days, and Gou teased me incessantly.

“You guys are so funny,” she laughed poking me in the cheek.

She told me Nanase was also headed to Trials, and would likely be competing against Rin in the freestyle.

“I’m so glad they were both able to make it!” she said happily.

“Yeah.”

Snow coated the town in a soft white, like cotton. In a few weeks, Rin appeared, scarf wrapped around his neck, flakes of white dotting his magenta hair. Gou hopped out of the car to help him with his bags, and he embraced her tightly, ruffling her hair. She jumped into the back seat while he climbed, limbs obviously tense from the cold, into the front. He slammed the door shut, letting out a sigh of relief, turning the heat up in the car.

“Yo,” I said, holding up a fist.

“Hey.” He bumped it with his gloved hand.

“Welcome back.” I put the car in drive and pulled away from the airport.

“It’s cold as hell.”

“Hell’s not cold, Rin,” I joked.

He slapped my arm,. “That’s not funny.”

“Rin, don’t bother people while they’re driving!” Gou chided.

“I wasn’t bothering anyone!” he whined.

I laughed. “So, how long you staying, Rin?”

“If I make it to the team, I’ll be staying here until it’s time to go to the Olympics. The team will be training in Tokyo.”

“Sounds fun.”

He leaned against the window dreamily, breath clouding the glass. “Yeah, it’ll be great.”

We had dinner over at my home above the shop. My parents gushed over Rin, and his mother had prepared some dessert. Gou set out the plates and I cooked, Rin chitchatting with our parents about his training and his time in Sydney.

“Sousuke really missed you, Rin!” my mother cooed, audible even from my place in the kitche. “He was counting off the days until you came home!”

“Really?” I heard Rin ask.

“Yes, yes! I’ll show you the calendar!”

I stepped out of the kitchen. “That won’t be necessary.”

“Oh, Sousuke,” my mother gushed, “don’t be so embarrassed! Rin is your best friend!”

“I said it won’t be necessary. Dinner is ready.”

Rin smiled at me mischievously. “Did you cook?”

“Yeah.” I went back into the kitchen and returned with the steaming food. “I cooked your favorite.”

He clapped his hands together excitedly. “Yes! I haven’t had this in forever!”

I sat down at table across from him. “When do you have to go to Tokyo?”

“In a day. Though I have to go to the pool tomorrow morning.”

“Of course.” We began to eat. “I’ll come with.”

He leaned in eagerly. “Are you swimming again?”

I shook my head, and his face fell slightly in disappointment. “I just wanted to watch.”

He slouched. “Oh…”

“But, maybe I’ll take a dip, for fifty meters or so.” I smiled, nudging his foot beneath the table. “Since I promised I would by the time you got back.”

“Thanks, Sousuke.” He wolfed down his food. “Man, this is delicious!”

Rin’s mother and Gou went home after dinner, Rin not having the energy to walk home. They thanked me for dinner, teased Rin, and left, and I took Rin to my bedroom, not having a guest bedroom for him to stay in.

“Man, I got so tired all of a sudden,” he yawned.

“You’ve had a long day. Get some rest. You don’t want to be too tired for your races.” I unzipped his bag and tossed him his pajamas.

He pulled them on sleepily, crawling onto the spare futon.

“Are you warm enough?” I asked. “You aren’t used to the cold yet.”

“I’m fine.” But he was shivering, tugging the covers around himself tightly.

I grabbed him another blanket. “You don’t have to pretend. We have plenty of blankets here.” I turned the space heater on, placing it by his futon. I made sure the windows were shut tightly, and I closed the door to the bedroom. “Good?” I asked.

“Yeah. Thanks.” He stared at the ceiling drowsily, putting his hands behind his head. “So, you missed me, huh? Counting off the days like some teenage girl?” A smirk.

“I don’t know what my mom told you, but it wasn’t like that,” I said plainly, changing my shirt.

“Oh, it wasn’t your mother who told me, it was Gou.”

“You know how Gou is, exaggerating and all.”

“Maybe.”

I got into bed, facing him. “So, how are you feeling?”

“Surreal.” His eyes followed the snow falling in the window behind me. “I’m not even nervous. Just…” He shrugged, at a loss.

“Yeah, I get it.” I smiled. “Now you get to sleep. You’ve got to be up early to practice tomorrow, right?”

“Yeah. Night, Sousuke.”

It took me a long time to fall asleep. The moonlight fell in gentle stripes like cut up wax-paper across the floor. Rin slept sprawled out across the futon, flat on his stomach, arm stretched across the floor, hair spilling across his pillow. His hand rested in the space halfway between his bed and mine, alabaster fingers twitching slightly with dreams. In the haze of falling asleep, I lay my arm out across the floor, fingertips brushing his. I was startled when they stretched, reaching for me almost desperately. Finally, his hand got a loose hold of mine, and I fell into a gentle sleep, one soft as the sound of the snow outside.

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

The pool was colder than I remembered, even though it was indoors and heated. It had been about two years since I last swam, the last time being the relay with Rin, my heart aching like it never had before.

“Sousuke! Swim something!” Rin cried, splashing me playfully.

“I’m going to hurt my shoulder,” I said doubtfully.

“Even with just some easy freestyle?” he said.

“I could do a fifty, max,” I told him regretfully.

He pouted slightly. “Alright. I’ll swim next to you, okay?”

“Yeah.”

My body creaked into motion, legs kicking slowly. My shoulder ached and burned, but I kept going for Rin’s sake, spotting him next to me smiling, bubbles floating up from his mouth. I gasped for air on the other side of the wall, grasping my shoulder in pain.

“Sousuke, are you alright?” Rin panicked. “I’ll get some ice!”  
“No, it’s okay, Rin. You keep swimming. I’ll get out and take care of it.”

“I shouldn’t have asked you to swim,” he muttered guiltily.

“Don’t worry about it. It was nice to get back in the pool.” I climbed out slowly and got some ice, sitting on a bench by the deck, watching him continue his regimen. His fly looked good, stronger than it had ever been.

“Eh, Sousuke, mind if you take a photo for me?”

“Hm? What for?”

He smiled innocently. “I keep a blog so my friends around the world can keep up with me.”

“How come I never found out about this?” I asked, pulling out his phone.

“Well, it’s mainly for my friends in Australia. I run it in English. Besides, it’s mostly superficial things,” he admitted.

I held up the phone, and he beamed, leaning on the wall. I snapped the photo. “Nice,” I commented, showing it to him.

“Yeah, not bad!” He snapped his goggle strap. “Well, I’m going to a few more hundreds. Do you mind?”

“Do whatever you need to do. I’ve got the day off from the shop.”

“Sweet, thanks, Sousuke!”

After he had finished, we ate the breakfast I had prepared in the bleachers.

“So, things still quiet here?” Rin asked, mouth stuffed.

“For the most part, though your jacket’s been drawing some attention from my customers.”

He grinned. “Yeah? It’s ‘cause I’m famous!”

I laughed softly. “Yeah.”

“Makoto says our town’s become kind of famous, what with two swimmers heading to Trials.”

“A little. Some reporters have stopped by at Iwatobi and Samezuka, I heard. But still, it’s pretty much the same.”

He popped some food into his mouth. “You know,” he mused, “if we make it onto the team, things are going to change.”

“Yeah.”

“For the better, I hope.” He smiled. “Your shop will be a popular destination, I bet. I’ll mention it as one of my favorites.” He leaned against my good shoulder, water dripping onto my shirt.

“I’d appreciate that.”

A look of realization crossed his face and he pulled out his phone. “I almost forgot! I went whale watching in Australia and took some pictures. I thought you would like to see.”

……….

 

Everything happened quickly, after that, the quickest anything had ever happened in my life. The scenery on the way to Tokyo was a blur, and I slept little the night before Rin’s races. The stadium was a mess of cameras and spectators, coaches tapping their feet impatiently and athletes stretching in track suits. I think I saw Tachibana and talked to him, but I don’t quite remember. Gou was there too, and Rin’s mother. I gave Rin a fist bump and wished him luck, wearing his now worn out Worlds jacket. I remember he pulled his cap over his head, and I tucked a loose bit of hair beneath it, and then he was gone, swallowed up by the glaring lights. The next time I saw him, he was stepping up to the blocks, clapping loudly. I said his name, I think, a mutter. Then it was over, and I heard his name on the loud speakers,

“And Rin Matsuoka takes first in the butterfly! He will be competing in the Olympic Games, joining his childhood friend, Haruka Nanase on the Japanese Olympic Team!”

It was wild chaos, after that. I ran down to him, and he hugged me, Gou, his mother, even Tachibana. His tears were hot on my neck, and his nails dug into my back.

“I made it,” he was sobbing. “I made it. I made it!”

Cheers everywhere, bright lights, camera lenses.

“Matsuoka, look this way! Nanase, you, too!”

His arm around my shoulders, grinning into the camera. Nanase squeezing in next to him. Tachibana on the other side. Flowers tossed. Flashes. Loud. The picture was on the cover of the papers the next day, all over the Internet, across the TV news. I remember Rin sleeping with his head in my lap in the hotel that night, tired out. It was the last quiet time for us. I wish I had savored it more.

……….

I called my parents and told them the news, asking them if I could stay with Rin in Tokyo for the duration of his training before the Games.

“Oh, Sousuke, you’re such a good friend!” my mother cooed, “We’ll look after the shop, don’t you worry!”

I thought that things would be the way they always had been: me walking Rin to the pool, eating breakfast in the bleachers, laughing, leaving Rin to his training while I picked up a book or two. But things weren’t that way. I left early while Rin slept to get something to eat to bring to the pool, and someone in the hotel lobby asked me if I was the one in the picture, from Trials? Next to Rin Matsuoka?

“Yeah,” I said plainly. “That’s me.”

“Are you his coach? His friend? A relative?”

I wasn’t used to such questions, to such attention. “I’m a friend.”

“Wow, you must be so proud!”

“Yeah.”

On my way to the store, a few other people recognized me and asked me similar questions. On the way back, I pulled the hood of my sweatshirt over my eyes.

“Eh, Sousuke, where’ve you been? You look so sketchy in that hood.” Hair a mess, Rin pulled the hood from my head.

“Breakfast.” I held up the plastic bag.“Oh, thanks.” He peeked through it quickly before tossing a towel into his bag. “Ready to go?”

“Yeah.” I sighed, running my hand through my hair.

He raised an eyebrow. “Something the matter, Sousuke?”

“Just some strange people.”

“Strange?” He stepped closer to me. “What do you mean strange? Are some punks bothering you?”

“No, no. Just… The photo from last night. Some people recognized me.”

“Oooooh.” He grinned. “So you’re famous, is that it?” He nudged my leg with his knee. “Some cute girls hitting on you?”

I laughed. “Not even. Just people wondering who I was and how I got to know the Rin Matsuoka.” I ruffled his hair. “Come on. You’ve got to get some practice in.”

……….

There were some reporters at the pool, nothing much, just local ones, wanting a couple sentences or two from Rin and Nanase. I stood back, letting Rin talk, keeping my eyes away from the cameras, until a mic was shoved into my face.

“Sir?”

I blinked. “I’m sorry, could you repeat that?”

“I was just wondering, as Rin Matsuoka’s friend, how you felt about this whole thing?”

“Um.” The reporter, a tall, slender woman with eyes too eager, waited tensely, pushing the microphone every so slightly closer. “I’m really proud of him. Um.” I froze, unable to speak.

“He’s kind of quiet,” Rin said lightly, throwing an arm around me.

“Hey, hey, you can’t be here right now!” A coach came out onto the deck, waving his arms furiously. “This is practice time! Out, all of you, out!”

Begrudgingly, the camera crews packed away their things and the reporters scurried away, and Rin let out a sigh.

“Sorry about that, Sousuke. I didn’t know they’d be here.”

“It’s fine, I guess.” My palm sweated around the handle of our breakfast.

“Hey, I’ve got to get in the pool. I’ll come up for breakfast a little later, okay?”

The coach shoved Rin aside, thrusting an arm out in front of him, creating a barrier between me and him. “Hey, and who are you?”

“Coach, this is my friend, Sousuke Yamazaki. We used to swim together,” Rin cut in.

The coach, a squat, middle-aged man, looked me up and down, squinting suspiciously. “Sorry, no friends here.”

“But, Coach, I-”

“I said no. You need to focus, Matsuoka.”

Rin glimpsed at me over his shoulder, pouting.

I held up the bag of food. “This is Rin’s breakfast. I’ll leave it here.”

The coach swiped it from my hand angrily. “Good bye, now.”

“I’ll catch you later, Sousuke!” Rin waved vivaciously before being whisked away by his coach, whom I could hear scolding him as I left.

“Did you get kicked out, too?” A sheepish looking Tachibana was leaned against the entrance.

“Yeah.”

“Me, too,” he laughed somewhat shamefacedly, scratching his head, cheeks red with embarrassment. “The coach yelled pretty loudly at me. I just wanted to drop Haru off.”

“Yeah.” I glanced back in through the window, watching a blurred image of Rin pulling off his shirt and jumping into the pool.

“Did you see all those reporters? Pretty crazy, huh?” He chuckled warmly. “Haru isn’t very good at speaking to them. He says some funny things.”

“Yeah. They spoke to Rin, too.”

“It such a bummer that we don’t get to stay in there. Rin told me that you come to watch him practice pretty often.”

“Yeah.”

He sighed. “Well, do you have any plans for the rest of the day?”

“Not really.”

“Hey, then do you want to go get something to eat?”

“Sure, if you want to.”

I had never been that close with any of Rin’s friends, but Tachibana was always very kind, and I found him easier to talk to than any of the rest. He showed me around the city, to the places he had discovered while in university. Nanase’s favorite, he told me, was the fish place where the glowing blue tank was displayed proudly on the sidewalk, capturing the attention of passersby. As we passed a noodle house which blared advertisements of its famous spicy noodle bowl, Tachibana stopped.

“I’ll bet you Rin would like this,” he said cheerily.

I peeked inside, catching a stinging whiff of chile oil in my nostrils. “Yeah, I ought to take him some time.”

“Make sure it’s after the Games, though! I’ll bet he’s watching his diet, like Haru is.”

“He better be.”

Tachibana only laughed, and we sat down for some coffee at a cafe. Sipping the steaming drink, I glanced up to see my own likeness on the TV screen, stammering in front of a microphone. Mildly embarrassed, I looked back down, hiding my face.

“Sousuke? What’s the matter? Oh.” Tachibana suppressed a smile. “Hey, Rin looks good on camera.”

I heard the chatter of Rin’s public-speaking voice, the modest yet undeniably confident voice I often heard him use during presentations at Samezuka.

“It’s been my dream since childhood,” I heard him say. “I can’t wait to get up on those blocks and win some medals for Japan!”

Tachibana’s eyes glittered beneath the soft lighting of the cafe, smiling dazedly. “Man, I’m so happy for Rin and Haru. I always knew they would make it.”

“Yeah.” I stirred some more sugar into my coffee.

“By the way, how’s your shoulder doing? Have you been back in the pool yet?” My face fell slightly, and he winced guiltily. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pry!”

“No, it’s alright. My shoulder hasn’t been all that much better, but I did swim a fifty with Rin before Trials, because I promised him.”

“Oh, that’s really nice of you!”

I shrugged. “Sure.”

“I swim with Haru sometimes, too, but man, he’s just too fast!” He chortled goodnaturedly.

“Is he excited to be competing?”

“You know, you can never really tell with Haru. But I would think that he is, especially since Rin will be there. I’ll bet you they’ll swim a relay together, too.”

“Now wouldn’t that be exciting.”

He laughed. “Yeah, sure would be!”

………..

I didn’t see Rin again until late that evening.

“How was it?” I asked, already in my pajamas.

“Exhausting. They work you really hard.”

“I’ll bet. How did breakfast suit you?”

“Delicious, as always.” He smiled sympathetically and sat on the edge of my bed. “Sorry they kicked you out.”

“It’s okay. I understand.”

“I saw you on TV.”

I turned away. “Don’t even bring it up.”

He snorted. “What? Embarrassed?”

“I’m not a good speaker and you know it.” My cheeks felt a bit hot.

He patted me on the back. “You’re fine, don’t worry about it. I’m sorry they came onto you like that. I had no idea they’d be there. What’d you do the rest of the time?”

“I had breakfast with Tachibana.”

He looked surprised. “Really? How was that?”

“It was good. He showed me a spicy noodle place he said you might like. I’ll take you, after the Games.”

“Man, Sousuke, you’re just trying to get me fat.” He grinned.

“So, did you make any new friends?”

“Yeah! The women’s distance swimmer is really nice. She reminds me a little bit of Gou, except she’s obsessed with women’s muscles and not men’s.”

I chuckled. “What a coincidence.”

“Isn’t it?” He plopped backwards, lying sprawled across my feet. “Man, you would’ve liked it, Sousuke. I’ll sneak you in next time.”

“How?”

He smirked mischievously. “I’ll put you in a bag and say you’re my breakfast.” He cackled.

I nudged him playfully with my covered toes. “You’re so stupid.”

“Hey, I’m trying to get you into a world class training center! Who says I’m stupid!” But he rolled around, howling and hooting like a little boy.

“Your coach obviously thinks so.”

He pouted. “My coach is so stiff. A lot of times, I really miss Coach Sasabe. Maybe I’ll go back to Iwatobi SC, after this is all over,” he said thoughtfully.

“You’ll visit Samezuka, too, won’t you?”

“Of course. I might head over before we leave for the Games. I have to pay respects to my dad, after all.”

“Yeah.”

“We ought to go visit that small market, too, the one where we always used to get your cola, remember?”

I remembered, the small darkness of the shop, tasty snacks hidden in dusty shadows, the cooler out in the front, the call of the cicadas outside, the fuzzy summer light, my untied sneakers, Rin’s heavy backpack, the echo of “Rock, Paper, Scissors!” “Yeah, I do,” I said.

“Good times,” he replied airily.

I tangled my fingers in his hair. “Yeah.”

“Do you ever miss it?”

“Sometimes. But things are good now, too.”

“Yeah,” he said. “Good, but busy.”

“Mm.” I thought about the craze of cameras, the flashing lights, the soft feel of flower petals flying from the air. “You seem tired. You should go to bed.”

“I don’t feel like moving,” he moaned.

“Come on.”

“I’m not moving.” He yawned. “I’ll just stay here.”

“You’re heavy and making my feet go numb.”

“Hey! I’m not that heavy!”

I smirked. “Think again. Too many ice creams for you.”

“I haven’t even had one recently!”

“Sure you haven’t.”

He huffed. “You’re impossible, Sousuke.” He sat up slowly, stretching and crawling over next to me. “I’ll just stay here.” He put his head on my chest.

I softened. “Alright then. Good night.”

I switched off the lights and lay in the dark, thinking about how awkward I sounded on camera. I wondered what Rin was dreaming, what wild images were running through the head resting on my chest. It occurred to me that the only time I had with him was this time, the few hours in the pitch black where he babbled drowsily before dozing off, leaving me to my own thoughts and the warmth of his body. What sort of life was that, where the one you loved most was the one you saw the least?

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

As the months rolled by, Rin was able to smuggle me into his practices, where I watched from a distance some of the greatest athletes in the world train endlessly. Rin had received all of his official gear, including a nice suit for the opening ceremony and a suave looking jacket for the podium, which he and I were both certain he would be standing on in the end. He showed me the support he was receiving from fans across the country as well as some friends in Australia, his eyes shining excitedly, hands jittery. Eventually, it came time for him to pack up for the Games. His flight was a nighttime flight, booked full with all of Japan’s best athletes, some of whom I would see covered in medals in a couple weeks. I would fly over a day after he did, booking a hotel nearby the swim stadium. He had gotten seats for his mother, Gou, and me very close to the deck.

“You’ll never guess how much they cost to normal civilians,” he said mischievously, holding them up before me. We were in the lobby, waiting for a cab, people glancing at Rin and pointing discreetly. The air had become sticky and thick with summer, and the air conditioning in the lobby blasted loudly.

“How much?”

He whispered an ungodly price. “But for you, they’re free.” He placed one in my hand. “Make sure you’re there on time.”

“Of course I will be.” I smoothed out some wrinkles on the shoulders of his jacket. “You look good. Professional,” I said.

He grinned. “Thanks! You know, they had me fitted and everything!”

“Of course. This is the kind of place you really want to make a good impression.”

The cab arrived earlier than expected, and I went to lift one of Rin’s bags, when he stopped me. “Hold up, Sousuke. Your shoulder.”

“I’m fine.”

“No, I won’t have it.” He picked the bags up himself and heaved them into the trunk.

The cab driver opened the door for us, and we slid into the back seat. Rin leaned against the window, taking in his last sights of Japan, the country he’d be representing in the pool. He sat in a relaxed but confident manner, slouching ever so slightly but keeping his chin up and eyes forward. The scenery flew by us, and next thing I knew, I was standing face to face with him before the security check, his bags checked in already at the desk, his boarding pass in his hand, backpack slung over his shoulder.

“So this is it,” he said. “The Olympics.”

“Yeah.”

His bottom lip quivered, and he chewed at it, obviously trying not to cry.

Someone cleared their throat over the announcer, a voice booming across the terminal, “Japan Airlines flight number 746, service to Rio de Janeiro, will be boarding at gate 8A.”

“That’s you,” I said.

“Yeah.”

He looked at me, eyes watering. Suddenly, he threw his arms around me, locking me in a tight embrace. Around us, people hurried and ran, the rolling of luggage wheels a constant rumble. I pulled him close.

“I’ll be there right after you,” I assured him.

“Wish you could come with.”

“Not all dreams come true.” I pressed my lips to his ear. “Only the important ones.”

It seemed like a long time that we stood there, drawing eyes from more than a few curious bystanders.

“Japan Airlines flight 746, service to Rio de Janeiro, will be boarding in half an hour.”

He peeled himself away, tears wetting his cheeks.

“Hey.” I held up a fist. “You show them a sight they’ve never seen.”

He smiled slightly, bumping it vigorously. “Yeah. See you later, Sousuke.”

I followed the back of his jacket as he walked away, the bold, red letters spelling “Japan” in all-caps slowly disappearing into a tiny mote before vanishing altogether.

……….

I didn’t make it to the Opening Ceremony because the tickets were all sold out and Rin couldn’t get his hands on any, but he took hundreds of pictures in his fitted red suit, waving around a tiny Japanese flag next to the distance swimmer, a tall, wiry girl maybe about a year older than us. Her smile was warm and cheerful, and the energetic nature of her grin did indeed remind me a bit of Gou. He sent them all to me via email, saying that he didn’t have time to talk until after he had completed all of his races, but that he looked forward to seeing me in the stands. His roommate, he added, was a world champion for judo and twice his size. He said he doubted he would be able to sleep well with the thought that his roommate could take him out at any time. He marked, for the second time in our lives, a little “<3” next to his name at the end of the message. I still am not sure if he meant it ironically or not.

The night before his race, I ironed out his Worlds jacket, the elbows worn thin, the formerly soft inside now rough and pilling. The letters of his name, however, were bold and bright, compared to the faded color of the rest of the jacket. I had been sure to keep them nice. I received a call before the sun set.

“Is this Sousuke?” The familiar sound of his voice over the soft crackle of the phone.

“Yeah. This must be Matsuoka.”

“Yep.”

“So tomorrow’s your day.”

“Yep.”

I ironed out the sleeves of the jacket. “Nervous?”

“Nah.”

“Thought not.”

“Sousuke?”

“Hm?”

“Cheer for me, okay?”

“Yeah.”

“You might need a megaphone, because your voice is so soft.”

“Oh shut up. You’d be surprised.”

“Well, surprise me then.” His voice was dancing with a playful, taunting lilt.

“Yeah, sure thing.” I smiled to myself.

“See you, then.”

“Rin?” I gripped the phone tightly.

“Yeah.”

I paused. “Nothing. Go to bed on time.”

“Huh? Okay.”

The phone clicked. I had meant to say something else, but I didn’t think it suited us much. It was pretty much a given, at this point. But I said it to myself, just to settle my feelings, so I would have a peaceful sleep. Rin, I love you.

……….

I woke Gou and her mother up early, and treated them to breakfast. Rin’s mother seemed anxious and nervous, but Gou was cheerful and confident in her brother’s abilities.

“My brother has the best muscles out of all the swimmers, in my opinion,” she asserted. “He’ll be fine.”

She handed me a gigantic Japanese flag to wave around during the race, and she had also brought along some of the old plastic megaphones we used to use at Samezuka’s meets.

“I know you aren’t a shouter, Sousuke, but you have to try this time,” she said, placing one in my hand.

“Yeah, I will.”

The stadium buzzed with anxious energy, spectators all geared up in their country’s colors, timers pacing the deck nervously. Our seats were some of the best in the house, at the center of the pool, the second row. I sat, not realizing how tense I was and that my palms were sweating.

“When does the race start?” I asked Gou.

“An hour! They’re warming up right now.”

I twisted my hands around the megaphone.

“I’ve never seen you so nervous, Sousuke!” she laughed.

I tried to crack a smile, but it was true. My heart raced in my chest, and the chatter around me accompanied by the crowding cameramen on the deck only served to intensify my nerves. I kept my thoughts on Rin, mentally advising him as if I was at the poolside next to him. Make sure you keep your tempo up. Don’t let them catch you on the underwaters. Don’t take too many breaths. All out on the last fifty, don’t get sloppy. Rin never thought as technically as I did. I’m just going to race, he would say, and I’m just going to win. These were only the preliminaries. I’m sure that if he just kept his stroke together, he would make it to finals tonight.

Soon enough, the announcers declared the start of the event in English and Portuguese, and the swimmers came out onto the deck.

“Rin!” Gou cried, waving around the flag.

His expression was intense and focus, the sternest I’d ever seen him, but a smirk pulled at the corners of his mouth as he snapped his goggles onto his head and shrugged off his jacket and pants.

“Let’s go, Rin,” I shouted into the megaphone.

He glanced up, grinning toothily. Three, short, punctuated whistles. They stepped up to the blocks, the crowd dead silent. Long whistle, a mechanical “take your mark,” and the starter beeped, and the crowd roared.

“Swim, Rin, swim!” Gou screamed, waving her flag vigorously.

“Come on, Rin!” I echoed into the megaphone.

He finished furiously, jamming his hands into the wall. The spectators went wild, and he breathed heavily, looking at his time, a new personal record, and the top seed for finals that night. He slapped the water victoriously.

“Yes!” he howled, yanking off his cap and shaking out his hair.

The announcer said something in English I couldn’t quite understand, but I picked out the unmistakable sound of “Riiiiiin Matsuoka from Japan!” Gou was hugging her mother, jumping up and down. I stood there, catching his eyes from the pool. He grinned the same grin he used to put on when he won our little challenges when we were kids. I smiled.

“Good job, Rin!” I called

“Thanks, Sousuke!” he shouted from the pool, climbing out.

He was hounded by reporters and camerapeople. His image appeared on the big screen. He made a statement in English, panting heavily, and someone clapped him on the back.

“I’m so happy!” Gou said, shaking me.

“Yeah, me, too.”

A slowed down video of us cheering appeared on the screen, and a low, simultaneous “Awww” passed through the crowd. I flushed, and Gou laughed, throwing an arm around me.

I couldn’t rest until finals. I paced excessively, around the hotel, around the stadium, everywhere. Gou tried to get me to eat something and enjoy the city, but I found that I was distracted and couldn’t even focus on the flavor of the food. The heat was sweltering, and Gou bought me a pair of glasses, giggling when I put them on and snapping a picture to send to Rin.

We met up with Tachibana briefly, but he was jittery with nerves for Nanase’s races the next day, and it was hard to talk to him, his thoughts scattered and messy. Finally, the sun fell, and he accompanied us to finals, having been given an extra ticket by Rin. The energy that night was high, and you couldn’t hear over the talk of the crowd in a million different languages. My hands were clenched so tightly that I nearly crushed the flimsy plastic megaphone. I shook my leg anxiously in the seat, looking to and fro. Finally the sound died down a little, and the announcer declared the start of finals. Gou was on the edge of her seat, squinting to see Rin coming out of the far side of the stadium. He stretched his shoulders, shook out his arms. I felt light, dizzy. As he stepped up to the block, they showed him on the big screen, the top seed of the race, the Rin Matsuoka, only nineteen years old. I stood up.

“Rin!” I called.

He smirked confidently, the snap of his goggles audible even in the large stadium. He beared his teeth intimidatingly, the sharp edges glinting in the harsh fluorescent light. And he was off. His race was smooth, swift, but aggressive. His powerful stroke scared off everyone around him, the poor guys, they couldn’t even get close to his feet. I didn’t realize I had dropped my megaphone, and my mouth had fallen open.

“Cheer, Sousuke, cheer!” Gou punched my arm.

“Go, Rin, go!” I had never raised my voice so loudly in my life, and the words scorched my throat.

He reached the wall, a body length ahead of the next person.

“Wooooooorld Record for Rin Matsuoka!”

I stood there, my mind nearly blank. He dipped beneath the water, to hide his tears. Gou and her mother were crying, embracing. Tachibana was beaming, wiping something from his cheek.

The podium was all flashing lights and flowers. The Japanese flag flew proudly above Rin’s head as the national anthem filled the stadium. I saw on the big screen that, though trying hard to suppress it, he was hiccuping with sobs, his eyes swollen and red. The gold medal glimmered over his heart, and he held it up victoriously, cradling a gorgeous bouquet in his left arm. As soon as I could, I ran down to meet up, pushing and shoving through crowds I would normally be too polite to bother.

“Rin! Rin!” I reached for him, grabbing his shoulder.

“Sousuke!”

His arms were around me in an instant, sobbing into my neck. I patted his back, held him close. Shutters clicked around us, and he lifted his heavy head. He pulled away from me and held the medal before my eyes.

“Look at it, Sousuke,” he hiccuped.

I examined it, ran my eyes over the carvings and the perfect curve at the edges. My vision blurred with tears, and I grabbed him again.

“I’m so proud of you, Rin.”

More shutter clicks, several flashes, “Rin, Rin! Over here!”

But he didn’t let go until the Worlds jacket on my shoulder was soaked and hot with tears.

“Your fly’s not bad, these days,” I joked as he pulled away, wiping away tears.

He laughed. “Oh, shut up.”

He smiled for the camera, then he turned abruptly, planting a rash, impulsive kiss on my cheek, holding the medal up in front of us. The shutters clicked several times, and the crowd surged forward. I hoped in vain that the cameras wouldn’t capture my stunned expression.

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

Gou shoved a Brazilian newspaper in my face the next morning over coffee.

“You two are so pretty!” she said happily. “Look at your muscles! The camera captured it so well!”

My eyes were wide in the photo, but luckily the glaring gold of the medal, centered in the photo, stole the focus. Rin’s eyes were smiling, and a tear glimmered on his cheek. It was a surreal picture, the edges blurred with flashes from other cameras, as if the whole thing was enveloped in the white clouds of dreams. I bought the newspaper for a few coins and tossed it into my backpack as a keepsake. I called Rin later, when he was resting.

“Did you see the paper?” I asked.

“Yeah. My teammates having been asking about it.” He laughed softly.

“What did you say?”

“I said we were close and left it at that.”

I exhaled. “Oh.”

“How do you feel about it?”

I paused. “I don’t know,” I said finally. “Weird, I suppose.”

“I’m sorry again, Sousuke.”

“Don’t worry about it. It’s not your fault. You should be celebrating.”

“I’m saving that ‘til after the relay. You are coming to that, aren’t you?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I dunno. Oh hey, Haru, want to say anything to Sousuke?”

“Not particularly,” I heard him mumble.

Rin laughed. “Okay, then. Listen, Sousuke, we’ve got to go practice some relay exchanges. I’ll see you, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Alright. Catch you later.”

“Yeah. Good luck.”

He snorted. “Like I need it.” And he hung up.

………..

A great week for Japan, they said. Four gold medals and a silver in swimming: gold medal 100 and 200 fly (earned, with many tears, by Rin), gold medal (Nanase’s, with a stoic expression as usual) and silver (Rin’s, with a smirk) in the 100 free (there was a lot of hugging in the pool across the lane lines), and a gold medal in the 400 medley relay (Rin cried into Nanase on the podium, another picture worthy moment). We had dinner altogether afterwards, people in the restaurant taking copious amounts of covert photos and shyly asking for autographs. In fact, for the rest of the games, Rin was hounded with people looking for interviews or pictures. He made official appearances on news channels wearing nicely tailored suits, his hair brushed so neatly I hardly recognized him.

“I can’t wait to go back home and take a break,” he told me once, after a long interview with the correspondent to the major news channel in Japan. “This stuff is exhausting.”

We stayed a couple days after the Games to explore the city, but Rin became tired very quickly, and so we were glad to get back on the plane and go home. I, having received plenty of attention myself after the photo of Rin and me was broadcast across the world, was relieved to return to the quiet life, sweeping the shop, waiting for my shoulder to recover so that I could get back in the pool again. I was ready to present Rin with his promised gifts: two sodas, and an ice cream, specially set aside in the cooler at the shop.

When we first got back, it was a perfect day. Though humid, it had cooled down some. The streets were empty as they always were, and the air was of a sleepy hue, a mix of soft yellows and pinks spread across the ocean sky. Rin stayed over at my place, collapsing on the futon and snoring loudly, not even asking for the sweets I had promised him before the games. I succumbed soon after, dozing off on the floor next to him, still wearing the now dirty Worlds jacket. A remnant of a different time, I suppose, begins to show its age very quickly.

……….

I didn’t have the pleasure of giving Rin his ice cream or his two sodas. Nor did I have the pleasure of taking him up to Tokyo to the spicy noodle house Tachibana told me about. Rin, because of his four shiny medals, had suddenly run out of time for the quiet world.

“Sorry, Sousuke, I’ve got an interview.”

“Maybe some other time, Sousuke. I have to do this little special for the kids’ channel.”

“Really sorry, Sousuke, I have to go to a gala.”

It all happened so quickly. One minute, he was sleeping soundly on the futon above a quiet mini mart, dreaming of ice cream with his childhood friend, the next he was all over TV, Japan’s next hero. Our town got crowded with news crews wanting personal tours from Rin and Nanase about sites that changed their lives, the pools they used to practice in. I even got quite a few interview requests, but after a while, I started to get tired and I declined the smaller ones. Every so often, Rin would stop by apologetically, and we would eat a quick dinner together before he had to go out and do who knows what. I saw more of his medals than I saw of him, and his face was more and more often on the television screen than in front of me in the flesh. The streets outside the shop became crowded, and though that meant good business for the shop, I longed for the days where I could sweep the floors without obstruction. A few weeks later, Rin told me he was leaving again. A lump formed in my throat, but I didn’t say much.

“I’m sorry we didn’t get to spend much time together,” he told me guiltily.

“It’s okay. I know you have to train.”

He looked down, shuffling. “Yeah…”

“I’m happy for you, Rin. You’ve really made it.”

He smiled a little, sniffling. “Thanks, Sousuke.”

We bumped fists. The action felt awkward and unfamiliar, and I felt disconnected and far away. How many weeks had gone by, since we had last had an actual full length conversation? For a while, I regretted not doing something there. It weighed on me. I should have said something. I should have held him. But my shoulder ached, and I was tired. Oh, how we tend to make excuses.

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

People kept coming, even after Rin had left. For about a week, it was still people looking for a word from me, the guy in the picture, Rin’s…. They would always pause there, hesitant to say the word.

“Boyfriend,” I would fill in for them, but part of me felt that the word didn’t quite fit.

Then it tapered off into people I used to know. Momo, Ai, Hazuki, Ryugazaki.

“Hey, Yamazaki! Rin off to Australia already?” Momo bounced into the shop, darting from one shelf to another.

“Yeah,” I said.

“Man, just missed him! You guys still together? Wow, a real-life long distance relationship! It’s not just on TV!”

He was gone as fast as he had come, bounding away with the unmistakable spring in his step. Ai said hello once or twice, telling me that he had the fastest breaststroke time on his university’s team.

“Hey, that’s good,” I said, congratulating him.

“You really helped me a lot!” he thanked me gratefully. “Rin isn’t here?”

I shook my head. “Off to Australia,” I told him, playing with a cheap ballpoint pen at the counter.

Things never got quite as quiet as they were before, but they settled into a rhythm, though a faster paced one. Soon, I was back to my mornings at the shop, greeting more and more people, whose faces lit up with recognition.

“How’s Rin?” strangers from our childhood would ask. Or, the more painful one, “Still swimming, Sousuke?”

Gou came by often, keeping me company as she studied, a sort of tacit arrangement that occurred when she and I both were waiting for calls from Rin. He called regularly, on a daily basis, unless he was busy with something, which oftentimes he was. I would tell him how the shop was doing briefly before he told about all the people he met, all the friends he was making, how he had gotten rather popular among American girls on the Internet. For a time, I was happy for him. To see him laughing made me smile, the blessing of young love, but eventually, I heard more about his life from the television than from Rin himself. A year passed, and he stopped calling me. Or did I stop answering? Perhaps it was both. It was the time that I started to remember things, rather than live in the present. I remembered when Tachibana visited with Nanase from Tokyo and we all laughed in the dusty shop. I remembered Rin giving me his Worlds jacket, seeing the name on the back for the first time. Then I would start getting sad. Then I would remember the smell of noodles on his breath as we rolled around next to the sidewalk, howling with laughter. I would remember my hand on his in the dead of night, before we left for Trials, his head on my chest in the hotel, my ears pressed to his lips at the airport. The call he gave me before his big race. The way he grasped me after winning his first medal. I would remember the subtle way he looped his arm through mine, back at Samezuka, on late night walks. I would remember how he always beat me to the little store with the ice cream after school at Sano Elementary. I held all these memories in my hands, trying to keep them from slipping away. I took a really long bath, the first time I remembered all these things. Rin had called that day, but I didn’t answer, because some people at the door were asking me if I was the same iconic Sousuke Yamazaki who accompanied Rin on his Olympic journey. I told them that I was, but as Skype called forlornly from the counter, I really questioned my answer. I sat in the bath for a long time, my arm rested on the side of the tub, fingertips dipping emptily into the surface. I wasn’t the same Sousuke, nor was that the same Rin. The Sousuke in that photo lived a quiet life, one that he kept secret from everyone else. That Sousuke teased Rin endlessly and thought about getting back into the pool, waiting for the day when his shoulder would throb a little less so that he could swim with Rin. The Rin in the photo was a youthful, innocent Rin, a Rin who had triumphed over his wall in Australia during middle school, a Rin who reunited with his childhood friends by breaking a rule at a meet, a Rin who cared about his relationships as much as he cared about swimming on the international stage.The Sousuke now just wanted some sleep, needed a break from the constant questions. The Rin now? Who even knew? Certainly not Sousuke.

I think it was that medal, that changed us, the one displayed so prominently in the iconic photo, the one I kept in the closet on the Brazilian newspaper. Or maybe it was something before that. Maybe the grumpy coach kicking me out and taking Rin’s breakfast to him on the bleachers. The unexpected interviews, maybe? Or what about those endless hours of training to get even there? The year in Australia? Waiting for me on the counter in the bathroom was his jacket, holes starting to tear in the elbows, stains on the front from dropping jars after pain shot through my shoulder. But there it was, the unmistakable “R. Matsuoka” stitched on the back, clean and clear as the visions of him on the television, laughing beneath the Australian sun, his English now nearly as good as his Japanese. I bit my lip. I almost cried, right then and there, but crying was Rin’s thing. Or, at least, it used to be.

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

A boring day, some time later. I stopped counting how long he’d been gone. I was watching a rerun of the swimming world championships. Cicadas chirped outside, and the sun had just come up, the smell of wet concrete drifting in on the summer breeze.

“And Rin Matsuoka takes first place once again in the one hundred meter butterfly! This is his third gold medal at World Championships in this event, and he’s only twenty years old!”

I tapped the ballpoint pen on the counter, my neck starting to ache from staring up at the screen. Next to it, my mother had hung up the jacket, now tattered to wear, but still bearing the name of the crowned champion of butterfly.

“That me?”

He was sunburnt on his nose, the skin peeling a little. He had always been careless about that sort of thing, Gou constantly having to remind him to bring a sunscreen stick with him.

“Yeah,” I was too surprised to say much else.

“You haven’t answered in months.”

“I thought you were with your American girls.” The cicadas were softer than our cutting words.

“Listen, Sousuke, I’m back now. Forever. I’m training up in Tokyo.”

“Good for you.”

He glanced at the jacket, blinking. “I didn’t mean it to happen this way, Sousuke.”

“What happened?”

He slid the cooler door open, shoved everything to one side. Something crinkled, and he pulled it out and tossed it at me. It was an ice cream bar, two years old. “I never ate this.”

I stared at the wrapping, the colors already faded, the edges bitten with ice. “Nor did you ever come to the spicy noodle place.”

“I’ve been busy as all hell.”

“So have I. I never thought I would see myself in a cheesy TV documentary, but there I was.”

“It all happened so suddenly.”

“It’s what happens when you win gold medals just like that.”

He wasn’t all too different, just then, when his eyes melted and his shoulders caved inwards, shaking, hiccupping. The yellow light fell around him, and for a moment, I thought I was looking at the childhood Rin, the Rin who always chose “scissors” no matter what.

“I just want my life back,” he said.

“This is your life, now.”

“Never had to be. I should have declined, Sousuke, all those interviews.”

“I don’t blame you for accepting them. You deserved them.”

He looked up. “But what about you? What about Gou, and Mom? And Haru and Makoto and Nagisa, Momo and Ai, Coach Sasabe? You didn’t deserve your lives to change this way, because of me? Right? It’s my fault, isn’t it?” He put his hands over his face.

I ached all over. The crowds on screen went wild, chanting “Matsuoka, Matsuoka, Matsuoka!” It was true. I missed the quiet life, and if it hadn’t been for Rin, I would still have it. But I thought back, about how devastatingly quiet it had been without him, how I would chew on popsicle sticks in boredom because he wasn’t there to make me laugh, or how weeks would go by and I would never see any sight other than the shop because he wasn’t there to encourage me to leave, I being too reserved otherwise. No one fun would ever visit, because they were all his friends, and he brought them over because he wanted me to have fun, too.

“Yeah, Rin, it’s your fault,” I said, reaching over the counter and putting my hand on his head. “But hey, would be a boring life without you.”

He sobbed, burying his head in his arms on the counter.

“You know,” I said after a while, “I hate it when you cry.”

He sniffled, wiping his tears with his sleeves. “I can’t help it, you idiot.”

I ruffled his hair. “Just don’t cry in front of the cameras, okay?” I joked.

“Oh shut up.”

I smiled. “That’s my Rin.”

He punched me weakly in the shoulder.

“Rin Matsuoka, the Japanese swimming sensation! Hey, Matsuoka, so now that you’ve got four Olympic medals and three gold medals from World Championships, what are you going to do now?”

His voice was fuzzy over the old TV speakers. “You know, I’d like to just get back to my old life. Swimming, of course, is number one. I want to compete again in the next Olympics. But I miss my friends and my family. I miss my boyfriend. You know, that stuff’s important, too.”

The interviewer laughed a tinny, insincere TV laugh. “Rin Matsuoka, the most modest swimming legend I’ve ever met.”

“Man, I sound so crappy on TV. So cheesy,” he moaned, cheeks coloring with embarrassment. “I never realized.”

“I think it’s charming. No wonder girls like you.”

He sighed. “But do you like me?” He grinned mischievously.

“Sure.”

“Sure? That’s all you have to say? Sure?”

I ruffled his hair, kissing his nose, then his lips. “You’re hard to please.”

He smiled. “Hey, got a couple sodas?”

“Yeah.” I walked over to the cooler and grabbed a couple colas, handing one to him, popping it open. “To old times,” I said, holding it up.

“Yeah. To new ones, too.” He clinked it and took a deep sip. “Seriously, I don’t see why you’re so obsessed with these things.” He casually looped his arm through mine and yanked me close.

“They’re good.”

“Decent.”

“Again, too hard to please.”

He planted a kiss on my jaw, and somewhere a shutter clicked and some little kids laughed. “Paparazzi!” they cried, holding up a phone. “I’m gonna sell this for one million dollars!” They skidded away in their double-knotted sneakers.

“Life’s tough, when you have four Olympic medals,” Rin joked.

“Shut up.”

He nudged the back of my leg with his knee playfully. “Hey, let’s go to the spciy noddle place, when we head up to Tokyo.”

“Sure.”

“Let’s invite Haru and Makoto, too.”

“Yeah.”

I held up a fist, and he bumped it. I finished off my cola. It was a pleasant day, a quiet one.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, that was an adventure! But if you're wondering what happened to them after the ending (I generally don't like to do epilogues so I'll put it all here), Sousuke and Rin moved to Tokyo together, where Rin trained with Haru for the next Olympics, and Makoto and Sousuke helped coach a kids' swim team on the side. I think Sousuke probably found a quiet street to open up maybe a sports shop or something like that. I've always seen him as the type who, if not swimming professionally, would like a peaceful life for him and Rin. But anyways, thanks for reading! Leave comments, because I like to talk to you guys!


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